Snotty Funny Status Messages

   "Angry bowel Syndrome" May not be the MOST prevailent disease to get celebrity attention and special ribbon,,, But it is pushing to be #2

   Hey Holidays,,,, either start later or get more songs.

   *Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat,,, not two cats in one.

   My daughter just told me when she grows up she wants to live in Kentucky and grow a whole field of ham... My God.

   I'm sorry,,, But we need to find a way to somehow combine "Shark Week" and "New Years" into one event..

   SCAM ALERT: If someone emails claiming to be your dad in heaven and needing $700 to pay a "be alive again fee".... t's a scammer not your dad.

   I just had a big lunch at Taco Bell... Now I'm off to the woods to prove a point.......... :Yogi Bear

   I'm beginning to think that "love" really doesn't mean much to tennis players...

   I refused to allow my doctor to diagnose me with OCD.. Acronyms must contain an even number of letters.

   Hey,, people who buy just 1-ply toilet paper at grocery stores,, Are you trying to quit??

   Wait a second ... Water parks have restrooms ... For what?!

   Look officer,,, I commit like a pantload of crimes every single day,, So you're going to have to be A LOT more specific.

   I'm guessing that the end of Cowboys Vs. Aliens is predictable. Tony romo buckles under the pressure & throws an interception to the aliens

   I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."

   WebMD Says I have the hypochondria

   The mighty pancake village has been razed to the ground by my fork of Nom and I, its wielder..

   Uh guys,,, I just checked the forecast for the week of Dec. 17th... Mon: sunny,, Tues: sunny,, Wed: cloudy,, Thurs: Rainy,, Fri: FIRE,,, Sat: DEATH,,, Sun: N/A

   In Dec, cops should take off the blue lights and make them green. It's more festive... Like getting pulled over by Santa.

   This Just In: Researches still working to discover how over 75,000 people were miraculosly cured in Colorado last month from glaucoma and nausea..

   Yes,,, Yesterday,I let the cat out of the bag,,, But today, There's no way she's getting out of that dishwasher