Moon Funny Status Messages

   I don't usually get asked out by women, but when I do it's usually on the first of April.

   Want to know the secret to happiness? Deactivate your Facebook account like people used to take the phone off the hook.

   Don't feel bad if no one talks to you on social media sites as all we could do is type.

   Shoutout to the guy driving the BMW who gave me the finger after I honked at you. Your cell phone's on top of your car!

   Okay, time to be productive!....or in other words log out of facebook. Which by the way is the secret to my success.

   My way of asking a girl I like out on a date is to say "Will you run away with me to have coffee?" that works like a charm.

   I don't understand people who say the moon landings were fake? I mean what did the government spend the 24 billion dollars on? To pay hundreds of thousands of people working on the Apollo program to sit around and play checkers?

   Just finest remolding my bathroom and just want thank you all for all the selfies and great remolding idea's!

   It's amazing how far humans have come since the caveman days when people used to communicate by writing on walls....oh wait, we still do. Never mind.

   I don't know why but I always end up making just a little bit too much spaghetti for myself to eat. Anyways, if anyone's hungry come on over. And bring like five friends.

   It's not always the one that got away that troubles me the most, as sometimes it's the one that won't go away.

   If you think you can win me over with just food music and a pretty face your damn right!

   Where did we go wrong when in 1969 we could send a man all the way to the Moon and be in perfect contact with them, when in 2019 I cant walking to the next room without losing your cell phone signal.

   I'm no longer afraid to say that I loved Milli Vanilli's songs!.....or whoever it was that perform their songs.

   When I was a kid we used to keep our Facebook accounts secure with a lock and key we used to call a diary.

   Did you know that coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc, which explains why I don't really give eeffoc about many thngs until I'm finish drinking it.

   I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m

   Thanks to Facebook birthday reminders I know who to unfriend after thinking who the heck is this person?

   How to cook the perfect amount of spaghetti: Step 1. Remove from box how much you think you need. Step 2. Eliminate half the amount you thought you needed. Step 3. Invite a friend over for spaghetti if you want to skip step 2

   Word of advice guys. When a girl says "Awe thanks, that's so sweet of you" take a hint as what she's really trying to say is "Back to the friendzone with you!"