Maureen Funny Status Messages

   When I die, I have made my husband promise to update my FB status with “Who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?!?”

   thinks my three “uh huhs” in a row should prove that I haven't heard a word you said!

   just finishing up my taxes and am now a little worried about my tax software. It just recommended I slip across the border into Mexico.

   NOTE TO SELF – Do NOT set your password reminder as “You Should Know This!!”

   Why won't the machines just take over already? I'm tired of doing stuff.

   Hey Customer Service - Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and fix it?!?

   does my BEST proofreading right after I hit send!

   Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance: the five stages of me getting up every morning!

   My son just tried to claim that his room is not messy…that it is merely set up in obstacle-like manner to keep him fit.

   tries to read books that will make me look good if I die in the middle of reading them.

   Dear Karma – I have a list of a few people you missed. Sincerely, Me

   If you say “gullible” slow enough…it sounds like “orange”!

   My favorite yoga pose is the one where I stand upright, watching the class through the window while eating a cheeseburger.

   There are times I'll make up words and slip them into conversations just to see if anyone is actually protempifying to what I'm saying.

   Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress.......

   has found my age is very inappropriate for my behavior.

   living in a van down by the river!

   Woke up this morning swearing I could smell pancakes, but it seems I was just smellucinating.

   would like to go see Magic Mike, but only to explore the narrative, artistic, cultural, economic, and political implications of the film.

   so passed caring about how I dress any more. I just put on whatever makes me not naked and hope for the best