Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.

   Nicolas Cage must be hibernating. Thank god.

   My name is Brian but my friends call me when they need a favour.

   If you're happy and you know it go away.

   I would totally be in a relationship right now, but I prefer sex without complications.

   The fastest way to confuse a woman is to tell her she looks great now that she's gained a couple of pounds.

   Just watched a twerk video that made me wish I was Stevie Wonder.

   I was wondering why my pants felt so comfortable till I realized they were still in the drawer.

   Ladies; When a guy you don't know offers to buy you a drink in a club, he's not being nice he wants to have sex with you. It's not rocket science.

   Loving someone who doesn’t love you back isn’t as bad as trying to eat something immediately after brushing your teeth.

   If you decide to walk a mile in my shoes, it will likely just be a mile of circles looking for the remote.

   If you love someone, make them guess how you feel about them until they get tired and move on to someone else.

   I'm sorry Kanye, but you can't name your baby North West, then call yourself a "creative genius."

   It's only a "good morning" if there's coffee involved

   My Panic Room is every room I walk into where there's people.

   Sharks and children, both can sense fear and weakness.

   Home is where your neighbors see you walk around with no pants on.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, send them all their stuff they left at your place.

   I just saw a donkey use the zebra crossing to cross the road. What a smart ass!

   Just burnt my mouth on a slice of pizza and now I totally understand what betrayal feels like.