Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I had a missed call at 3 am and I just now called it back. It was Jake from StateFarm
←Rate | 06-25-2013 11:06 by urboyblue Comments (0)  


   messageicon "That comes to $13" "how's this for payment?" *rubs chest sensually* "sir ur body's not legal tender" "why not? i'm legal… and i'm tender"
←Rate | 06-25-2013 12:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have some people struggling with obesity problems, while others are struggling with poverty and starvation. Sh*t like this is why Jesus is not coming back during our lifetime until we get our act together.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 12:53 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook keeps offering to find my friends for me. Good luck, Facebook! See if you can find my dad while you're at it.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:02 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hate yourself, leave the rest of us alone.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never really had the time to lick girl's faces to know my taste in women.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recipes are stupid. What the hell is 2 parts of water?
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently it isn’t chivalry if you’re in the ladies’ washrooms and you open doors to the stalls for them.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making love is just a fancy way of saying missionary.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to get all religious on me, I will post college pictures of you drunk...
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Paula Dean will be on The Today Show on Wednesday to talk about her scandal and she will share her new recipes of food coverings for your foot before you stick it into your mouth.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That uneasy moment when you cant remember if you like her, miss her, hate her, love her, if you know her...
←Rate | 06-25-2013 13:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
←Rate | 06-25-2013 14:25 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wondering how much I owe Columbia House on those Use your illusion tapes :/
←Rate | 06-25-2013 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope all you Heat fans are enjoying this weather! This is what you wanted.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon used to go to random weddings back in the day just to put a picture of his junk on every disposable camera.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 16:24 by Prince Shawn Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1965-2008: Minorities should be able to vote. 2008, 2012: Black guy elected president. 2013: Let’s rethink that voting rights thing...
←Rate | 06-25-2013 16:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the racoons and squirrels that it can be done.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 16:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I decided to see how I looked with a beard. I didn't like it at first but it's growing on me.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 17:14 Comments (0)  




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