Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There's not much creepier than an old man with an earring.

   They call me The Beer Whisperer.

   I bought a book entitled "How to Have a Good Personality." It's a gift for my ex.

   Dear Dad. Thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!

   Fathers day, the most confusing day in the ghetto...

   happy fathers day to all the ones who came home with the gallon of milk

   If you're fearful about the government spying on you while you're online, hang out on Myspace. Nobody is going to spy on you there.

   Happy Fathers day to all the guys out there... (No not single moms) sorry ladies but you had Mothers Day and you will never replace a man as a dad so stop with the double dipping...

   The ONLY 2 acceptable excuses a man can't spend time with his child is if he's DEAD or IN JAIL, Happy Father's Day

   #RealMenHandleThereBusiness #Manup #growup #showup #liveitup "Happy Fathers Day!" -take pride in what is yours and be proud of the human you created :)

   Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.

   We now live in a wold where you are noticed, acknowledged and financially rewarded for being a douchebag while all the nice and good guys are ignored and neglected. Case in point, Kanye, Bieber, Kim, Minaj, etc

   Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.

   There is a good reason why they call it XBOX ONE; You take ONE look at it and go and buy yourself a PS4!

   I love my smile! It's best though when it's reflected back on the faces of others!

   Ladies, if you are not that good an artist on paper, what makes you think you are a good artists on your eyebrows? Stop domestic violence against eyebrows!!

   Chill, single moms. You don't see us single dads celebrating mother's day!

   I'm white, but not go to a yard sale at 7am to get all the "good stuff" white...

   For Father's Day, I just want to wear my Crocs and Ed Hardy shirt and still be loved.

   Thumbs-Up for PS4 and Thumbs-down for XBOX ONE.