Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A vegetarian that is for the death peanilty.....................wait what?

   justin bieber to be launched into space...hoping very much it's a one way trip ...:D

   Kristen Stewart doesn't get enough credit for her acting ability. I thought she was great as "Wilson" in Cast Away

   I'll bet 9 out of 10 of you guys here have no pants on.

   Ever wonder what it's like to be Amish? Get a blackberry. I'm practically milking cows and making candles over here.

   I'd explain it to you again but I'm fresh out of crayons and puppets

   How many calories does wearing workout clothes burn? Does anybody know?

   Women are from Hearts and Men are from Pen*s.

   Someone cook me dinner so I can Instagram a picture of it. It's an emergency.

   Shhh... someone with glasses is talking.

   I see your friendship, and raise you benefits.

   'Bob Marley drinking game.........1.put on the Bob Marley track "Jammin'"..2,whenever Bob says "Jammin" you drink a beer

   I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.

   If Anne hath a will, Anne Hathaway.

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her... immediately!!!!

   The term "swag" was invented in the 60s by a group of gay men as an acronym for "Secretly We Are Gay." No wonder Justin Bieber thinks he has so much of it.

   Kittens FB page has more likes than God's FB page...

   Walk🚶🚶🚶 pass old Friends and Ex's..... .....Like I never knew them.✌✋✋😒

   If I don't mention you, then the tweet wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bltch up and wear it.

   What if your giving a guy a bj in the shower and he starts shampooing and conditioning your hair.