Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know there comes a point where you should say NO while watching a reality show of a couple in Alaska digging a deep hole by hand in frozen ground for an outhouse because the other one has a frozen poopsicle in it. What is wrong with me?

   I'm here for my ballet lessons, so move over because I look damn good in a tutu

   should I paint my nails light pink or nude? - Kim Kardashian

   Kissing burns 6.4 calories per minute. Wanna workout?

   Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"

   Theres always is that one plastic cup or Tupperware dish that flips upside in the dishwasher...

   Humble Pie is my least favourite kind of Pie.

   M uslims killing M uslims is a NO NO in I slam. But killing anybody else who is not a M uslim is perfectly fine.

   Guys in relationships would probably be happier if their girls would try blowing them more instead of everything out of proportion.

   I wish a girl with fake eyebrows would argue with me, I would lick my Thumb so Fast!

   Well this whole grown up thing has been fun but I have to go now...

   Doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle -- N. Schwarzkopf

   I look forward to the day when we glorify peace rather than war.

   Sippin' Grillin' Chillin'... MERICA

   You wouldn't be able to glorify peace if it wasn't for war!

   Sometimes when I post stuff h ere it doesn't post. I figure the A dministrator just gave it to B EGO to post

   Give me enough booze and I can be anybody's spirit animal.

   It's totally ok to create a Facebook account for your pet, provided you have severe mental retardation.

   I managed to use the chainsaw all afternoon without killing myself. I haven't seen my wife this disappointed since our wedding night.

   Facebook needs a 'Wow that's the dumbest f*cking thing I've ever heard, you should be punched in the throat' button.