Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women wake up yawning while men wake up with an erection. Coincidence?? I think NOT

   If you park in the 'C' section of the hospital parking lot...do you have to climb out of the sunroof?

   I don't know who all these people in stock photos are, but I've never met anyone who was so happy to be in a meeting.

   Alcohol runs your personality through an amplifier but puts a silencer on your common sense.

   When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?

   Steven Tyler is aging pretty gracefully for a clay-mation skeleton, who fell into a pile of feathers.

   I'm actually really nice, until you annoy me.

   I guess taking it to the hole has a whole new meaning in the NBA nowadays.

   News media should report more about professional NBA/NFL cheerleaders that comes out and says their lesbian or gay.....

   Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.

   g ay athletes are nothing new. Why do you think they call the LPGA "dykes with spikes"??

   I have a USB drive on my keys so that if I'm ever dying in public I can hand it to a stranger and shout "Get this to the President before.."

   Clingy women stop it. No man wants some chick clinging to him like a two-dollar tattoo on some biker’s ass.

   I don't see how a man announcing to the world that he takes it up the ass is such big news.

   These days alot of celebrities are getting divorces. Micheal Jordan just got married, I wonder when the new Air Divorces are comming out?

   I am getting real tired of having to put pants on everyday. When does this end?

   The female body is a grand evolutionary symphony of grace and striking beauty that soothes the tumultuous soul. The male body is umm a body.

   Some guy in the NBA came out as gay. Let’s all talk about this irrelevant sh*t for a week now.

   you know what's an odd habit? People who talk with their hands while talking on a cell phone........seriously.....who's that sh*t for?

   Thinks this might be a terrorist plot to infultrate and put fear in the NBA?