Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A friend of mine said that being gay wasn't so bad, but sometimes it's a real pain in the ass ツ

   Cubic Zirconium's slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!

   Anyone else notice that the new Pope looks like Homer Simpson after a hunger strike?

   I heard Pope Francis won because of his strong showing in the swimsuit portion.

   Ahhh Steak and BJ Day we meet again both well done please

   People who say "If I disappeared, no one would notice" are wrong. If I saw someone vanish right in front of me I would FREAK OUT!

   Great to be Catholic this month! We welcome a new Pope, plus we get three major religious holidays! Palm Sunday, Easter, and to kick it all off...the most important...St. Patrick's Day.

   Keep Calm and Keep scrolling... I got nothing funny to say here.

   Interest in the Bermuda Triangle disappeared. Seems suspicious.

   how can you tell when your baby needs more oil and where do I add it??

   Justin Bieber's hamster died. He'd had it for two months. The only hamster to truly know the meaning of Rest In Peace

   My insurance is so bad, I pay a co-pay to watch Dr. Oz

   The problem with today's children is that today's parents are idiots

   President and Michelle Obama had a great interview in this months Vogue Magazine about fashion. All of America's problems are now solved.

   Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul!! Think he is trying to bust a move.

   I'm not impatient...I just don't like to wait.

   believes hunting is totally wrong unless you are hunting cougars.

   I love when people see me and say..." Ohh I've been meaning to call you.. But lost your number.." B itch my number hasn't changed in 10 yrs! It should be implanted into your brain cells!

   "I'd hit that" -old people who drive

   Santa works one day a year and spends the other 364 judging people. Where can I apply for this job?