Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3629 of 6453

being lazier right now than the guy who designed the Japanese flag.

Abercrombie clothes are NOT meant to be worn by fat people, Just sayin'
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02-18-2013 18:59 by McCordian
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I'm giving up picking my belly button for lent.
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02-18-2013 21:49 by Aaron
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no one looks back on there lifes and remember the nights they got plenty of sleep.
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02-18-2013 22:03 by morm
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Like for impeachment
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02-18-2013 22:20
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How do people know Dinosaurs roared if nobody ever heard them do it?! ...Maybe, They Meowed

Tig Olbitties would make a good stripper name!!
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02-18-2013 23:07
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theres the old saying "you are what you eat"....glad I'm not in Britian eating horse's ass
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02-18-2013 23:41 by Eddy
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giving away FREE Donkey Punches!
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02-18-2013 23:43
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Normally, having a pillow fight used to be fun, until "Memory Foam" made an appearance.
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02-19-2013 00:48
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I saw a flying saucer today. It appeared out of nowhere followed right after by the flying cup that my girlfriend threw at me.
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02-19-2013 01:35
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If you want something be misunderstood, post on Internet.
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02-19-2013 05:17
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In Miami: We had a great winter season lastnight, can't wait 'til next year.
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02-19-2013 06:05 by Jitney
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Say no to drugs and anyone who ask you if you talk to objects
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02-19-2013 06:07
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When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
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02-19-2013 06:14 by flinnie
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The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
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02-19-2013 06:15 by flinnie
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FACT: One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
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02-19-2013 06:18 by Huck
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Somehow,, We've got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
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02-19-2013 07:40 by snotty
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This electronic cigarette claims to contain no smoke, only water vapor. So apparently the best way to quick smoking is to slowing drown yourself.
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02-19-2013 09:12
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There's nothing hotter than a f@t girl in stockings. Not appearance wise, I'm talking temperature.