Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I love make up sex. Especially with Katy Perry. I make up sex with her all the time.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 17:42 by Prince Shawn Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okay, so maybe practicing hypnotism in front of the mirror wasn't the smartest idea..
←Rate | 02-17-2013 17:45 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most used sexual position for married couples is DOGGY STYLE. The husband sits and begs for it and the wife rolls over and plays dead!
←Rate | 02-17-2013 20:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm murdered, I hope I'm able to write out the killer's name in blood and then "sucks" underneath
←Rate | 02-17-2013 20:39 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing makes a roaring fire cozier than sitting on the neighbor's front lawn under an emergency blanket.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 20:42 by Mayhem Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always poop in a bag but when I do I prefer Carnival!
←Rate | 02-17-2013 20:59 by cpaman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to scratch my balls but can't find my wife's purse...
←Rate | 02-17-2013 21:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To this day I still get freaked out by the Swedish Chef's hands
←Rate | 02-18-2013 00:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mindy Mccready committed suicide, your move Justin Beiber!
←Rate | 02-18-2013 00:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram so I'm not going to eat anymore.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am too funny I just don't know how to describe it in writing but if you doubt me you are free to come over to my house tonight & see... You can also carry a good comedy with you just in case.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 02:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met a girl who told me she was a hopeless romantic. I don't want to be with her if she's hopeless.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 07:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else hates when they see the word *sigh* rewritten in any Status/IM/Email/ Text whatever?
←Rate | 02-18-2013 09:05 by 11211 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Not sure what the big deal is with Danica Patrick. Like we have never seen a woman on the pole before.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it me or does Don Imus look like a muppet/dc follies character?
←Rate | 02-18-2013 09:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear exes- please try to maintain yourself decently so that I'm not embarrassed when people ask if we dated. I will Deny You
←Rate | 02-18-2013 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy President's day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm interested to find out what the police have Oscar Pistorius’s height listed as.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mad Facebook gets a multi billion dollar tax break
←Rate | 02-18-2013 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never knew the IRS had a swat team.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 10:29 Comments (0)  




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