Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All the places that can be kissed can also be bitten.

   I love you but I'm not, "I want us to be miserable together," in love with you.

   MARRIAGE; Because your suffering doesn't have to end at work!

   I am just a girl standing in front of a stalker, asking him to leave her the hell alone.

   it would of been cool if Atlanta Falcons had won today....then the Super Bowl could be sponsored by the game "Angry Birds"

   I want an iPhone with BBM and a Nokia battery.

   Most people are going to hell, no doubt...but some of you will be used as firewood.

   Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.

   I am the kind of guy who brings a gun to a pillow fight.

   Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Barry, and Anne Hathaway all portrayed Catwoman without flaunting their buttholes at people even once. Unrealistic.

   People who feel sorry for themselves never feel sorry for anyone else.

   never make presumptions about who will get chicken pox...I don't like to blemish my reputation by making rash predictions

   went to a shrink today. she says I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other bi tch!

   With women it's not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at... LOL Who am I kidding, even the homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff..

   I have been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions

   I am never too busy to draw a d!k on a foggy window

   Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements ツ

   "Hey guys, its a beautiful day out, lets go talk on the motel balconey." MLK

   City girls slip and slide, Country girls grip and ride!!

   having Fiasco perform at a pre-inaugural party sure turned out to be a fiasco!!