Snotty Funny Status Messages

   So there's a t.v. show called, It's Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted

   I can't understand half the things bilingual people say.

   In lieu of the formal presidential debates,,, Let's just play Micheal Jackson's "Beat It",,, and eliminate the candidate that claps on 1 and 3

   My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

   O Lord, give me the superpowers to change the things I cannot accept with serenity. ....Amen.

   "Oh, you're gonna eat the peach cobbler first??,, huh fatty??,,,,, You sicken me." - Mean Cuisine

   Sometimes, when I don't want my wife to find something,,, I put it in her purse.

   Last night,,, I dreamt about Christopher Walken and Gilbert Gottfried rap battling...... (You're welcome, for that mental imagery)

   Evidently,,,,,, my admirers are all secret

   Comin' up next on Mythbusters: Does Democracy REALLY work??.. ( high-speed footage of Buster being shot out of a cannon and into a voting booth.. )

   Well,, It's like this,,,,, My car makes this funny noise whenever I run over a clown...

   Sorry I Liked your dog dying.... But, they don't really give us any other buttons.

   M.I.T. is making an iPhone app to help blind people text?.... Wow,, the LAST thing we need is a bunch of blind a-holes texting while they drive.

   John has 36 kit kat bars and He eats 30 of them. What does that leave John with?........................ Diabetus,, John has "The diabetus."

   I don't want to say our Mom's cooking was bad,,, but, Years Ago,, we just filled the shaker with smelling salt...

   Kurt Cobain would be so disappointed to find out teen spirit now smells like Axe body spray

   The Movie "Independance Day" is SO unrealistic.. This guy's using his computer to access an alien ship & NOT ONCE did it ask if he wanted to upgrade his Adobe.

   Hey Jessica Biel,,,,,,,,, Please,, Please,, Please,, name your kid Batmo

   What's black, white, has gills but flies and is available at book stores??.................I don't know, nothing probably, cuz that's ridiculous.

   After all this time,,,How much Foo is there really left to fight?