Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   From the creator of ‘'I Like You As A Friend'' and ‘'I Love You Like A Brother'' comes in 3D ‘'I Don't Know How To Tell You You're Ugly''

   I love you but I'm too lazy to show it.

   Some were born to stalk, some were born to be stalked.

   I would walk over Legos for you.

   Every New Year we make a resolution to change ourselves… maybe this year try making a resolution to be yourself!

   I heard Kanye West announced that he and Kim Kardashian are expecting a child. My sincere condolences to the child.

   HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE: It takes 24,637 BOLTS to put a car together, but only one NUT to spread it all over the road. Don't Drink & Drive! 

   anyone who says "I hate to break it to you", can't f#$^ing wait to break it to you.

   If I was Asian, my name would be Jet Lag....because I'm tired all the time!

   Kiss me ~ it's midnight somewhere.

   According to my Nike Fuelband, I've just masturbated for 4 miles.

   So its safe to assume Kanye & Khadarshian's baby will have a huge butt and a huge mouth?

   Hold on Kanye, Imma let you finish, but first, Jay Z and Beyonce have already had the greatest baby of ALL TIME!

   News Alert for New Years Eve!! Government warning!!! According to the Surgeon General: When women consume alcohol, it impairs their ability to say “no”! So.... who's buying me a drink?

   Hmmm I'm going to pick up a Nicki Minaj album and listen to it for it's richness in pop culture and it's intelligent coherent lyrics..............said no one ever...

   Kim and Kanye's baby will probably be delivered by C-Section to avoid getting Chlamydia on the way out...

   The only resolution I've ever managed to stick with, was when I resolved not to make resolutions I can't stick with.

   My new years resolution for 2013? I will be less laz

   I can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't become a better person!

   Happy New Year everybody! I know its a bit early but I often suffer from premature congratulations.