Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have no idea where I'm going and I like it that way. It's called living.

   I like to watch Chinese p orn at night and I put it very loud so that my neighbors think that apart from having sex I can speak Chinese too.

   For me the end of the world was when I had to start working for a living.

   For Jesus' birthday, I bought other people a bunch of stuff.

   Ladies, lets face facts, the only real guy friends without ulterior motives are g@y.

   Whenever you feel stupid, just look at the trending topics on twitter. There are always people dumber than you.

   So what, if Mayans got it all wrong, its not the end of the world!!!

   I hate when college professors make you introduce yourself to the entire class.

   Wow, I cant believe it!!! Not one single post on my wall today about the world not ending.....said no Facebook user ever..

   the world didn't end today?!?! Boy do I have a lot Christmas shopping to do now!

   ... This is Lawrence, Kansas... Is there anybody out there?... Anybody at all?

   Anyone know when the next end of the world is?

   I just want to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to everyone, well everyone but you. I shaved my nutz for you and you just left me to die a VIRGIN!!

   if these damned Mayans are wrong, I'm gonna owe a lot money and will definitely have to return the Lamborghini!!

   Just got a belly piercing. It's a mistletoe, I don't want any confusion on where I want your lips this Christmas.

   If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.

   R.I.P to everybody who didn't make it to Christmas this year.

   Well, If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 13 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status about the End of the world again??? I wonder what will be doing 13yrs in the future from now.......

   wore my mistletoe belt buckle out last night. Met a girl with a mistletoe belly button piercing.. Wedding is next month."

   What if Bruce Willis and crew actually blew up the asteroid last night. Willis 1 - Mayans 0.