Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Call me an optimist, but one day I hope to see changes in the Arab world. Like freedom of speech, democracy or someone smiling in public.

   Well...this apocalypse is off to a slow start...can't believe I shaved my balls for this.

   My favourite Christmas song is the one about baby Jesus passing gas. Forgot what it's called but the main chorus is "Do you hear what I hear?"

   Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall.

   9 1/2 months from now there are gonna be a lot of babies born...suckers.

   ou all have nothing to worry about, Zombies only eat people that have brains.....

   Mayans lol...and to think MTV started "Punked"!!

   If men in bands can make her dance, I wonder what men in college can make her do.

   I'll never judge or insult you because of your beliefs. I'm just kidding idiot.

   If getting into heaven is based on how many times you have tried to close the elevator door before someone else gets on, I am screwed.

   Me: Wanna put on our capes and our undies over our pants and go stand on top of a building?

   I wish giants existed because watching them walk into telephone wires would be entertaining.

   HA HA HA! People believed it was all going to end today. I mean, really, an ancient calendar is actually going to predict the end of the wor.......

   Its the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine

   Yo Mayans, I know you all did your thing and everything, but the dinosaurs had the best apocalypse ever.

   Lately I realized that appreciation does to me what spinach did to Popeye!

   embarrassed the world didn't end today. Now I'm awkwardly sitting at my desk without pants...

   I spent all my money last night on strippers and beer thinking the world was ending... now what

   The next time you come across a Mayan making a calendar, leave him the f*** alone!

   I'll start to believe that video games create violent killings the day someone gets arrested for killing a pig by catapulting a bird at it