Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook is for Leaders.....Twitter is for Followers

   The best thing about social media is that you can talk to people without having to put your pants on.

   This is amazing & really works with ANY age!! Take your age, add two, subtract two. THAT's your age!! CrAzY!!

   when asked about the Lakers struggles lately, Kobe said, "Dude, I got away with rape so it's no biggee..."

   I just found some Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge. Funny, I don't remember making any turkey pudding...

   Men, just because she loves your c ock doesn't mean she's in love with u

   the only 12's I give a s hit about come in 12 ounces and 12 packs...

   ladies, don't fall for all those Sears commercials. We don't want that s hit...

   I made it through 1/1/1, 2/2/2 all the way through 12/12/12! Whoo-hoo! I'm feeling pretty invincible....Bring on 13/13/13!!!

   I can already tell December 21st will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.

   After seeing all this 12/12/12 stuff today, I can tell you December 21st is really going to be annoying.

   Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

   It takes many nails to build a crib, but just one screw to fill it.

   Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.

   If you teach sex ed, it's good to tell kids the feelings they're having are normal, but funnier to single one out and mouth "Except yours."

   Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : “In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless bi%ch. Details at 11″.

   Does anybody know today's date?

   I thought The Walking Dead was having a special tonight.... Turns out it was just The Rolling Stones performing at the 12/12/12 concert.

   Surge has an ego problem hes trying to fill online...pathetic

   People who reach the Facebook maximum friends limit of 5000 and go on to open an additional Facebook account are a$$holes!!