Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You want to save a shtiload of money next Black Friday??? Stay Home!!!

   You couldn't chain me up and drag me into a WalMart today!

   Of all the lies I've told in my life, "just kidding" is probably my favorite..

   It's funny how some people are all nice and humble on Thanksgiving... Then less than 12 hours later flip like a light switch and start throwing elbows into people's throats to get a TV.

   I'm no relationship scientist but I think men prefer girls who make their dck hard, not their life.

   People assume when I yawn that I've lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

   She's excited about putting holiday decorations up, I'm excited her periods almost over. Priorities.

   Having weak phone reception is the closest I'll ever be to having relationship problems.

   I'm only going to be online until I get off.

   So yesterday at about this time, I was all like, "I'm so thankful for my friends, my life, my freedom." Today...I'd risk prison punching you in the neck for a flat screen.

   I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...

   Madonna flashed her rear end during NYC concerts, Urgeing fans to toss money on stage for "Hurricane Sandy Relief", she raised $38,000 and an additional $45,000 in pledges to the "Keep Madonna Clothed Foundation".

   ...ain't nobody got time for that...oh Lord Jesus, it's a fire...

   I hate seeing people who owe me money post pics of all they bought on Black friday

   Ok......I don't think this Black Friday thing is working. I'm still white?

   Aren't we all supposed to die next month or is that cancelled?

   Black Friday = Broke Saturday

   Nickelodeon should just stop making new shows and replay all the old ones

   Seriously though, nobody wants to hear your ringtone

   Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.