Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today is the American Thanksgiving or as we in Canada like to call it...Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving you funny people...

   Happy Thanksgiving ya'll! Don't forget to set your scale forward 45 lbs. ahead

   Whether you celebrate Wanksgiving, Yanksgiving, or Spanksgiving be thankful for your hand.

   thankful my kids taught me how to Copy and Paste...

   Empty your wine glass, stuff your turkey's. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

   'tis the season to get trampled fa la la la la la la la la

   Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'

   This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adult table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

   Facebook is not a shower, so keep your clothes on ho!

   I'm at my white trashiest when I'm on the front porch with a group of people trying to figure out why the cops are 2 houses down.

   I'm Thankful you all are neglecting your families to keep me entertained here!

   I wear a mouth guard to bed, you probably shouldn't mess with me.

   Whenever I have sex I always pretend I'm having it with someone.

   The amount of people who confuse "too" with "to" is just two damn high.

   My life coach advised me to run out the clock.

   You'll know it's real if I still love you when I'm sober!

   90% of the girls I've dated, I got their pants off with my humor. The other 10% were passed out, so I had to take them off myself.

   Happy Thanksgiving America ! from a Canadian :)

   I flexed my muscles at this girl and my shirt ripped. Yeah, her boyfriend ripped it while he was kicking my ass.

   Gaining weight and growing a beard counts as multi-tasking right?