Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People who always say "love is blind" need to be reminded that Stevie Wonder is divorcing his wife.

   Alright...who else is making plans to move to Colorado?

   People who always say "love is blind" need to be reminded that Stevie Wonder is divorcing his wife

   I'm not real good about sharing my feelings unless I hate you.

   ** Breaking News, stores in Colorado and Washington are having a hard time keeping up with the demand for Funyuns. Store owners say the demand has grown a million times since yesterday. **

   All I can see is : Kenyans are really Good with Marathon.

   People who think women are weaker than men should know that male lions only kill men when they are threatened or hungry while lionesses kill for fun.

   I just yawned on the bus and two dudes gave me their phone numbers.

   No matter how useless you feel, take pleasure in the fact that you're someone's reason to masturbate.

   When I hit send while texting on my IPhone I hold my finger lightly over the speaker hole then hit send and it makes a tiny little fart sound ! Fun !

   The more she claps her hands while talking, the more children she has had with different fathers.

   Congratulations to all who won in the election and my condolences to all who have lost I wish you all the best in the future. Now please get your dayum signs off my street corners. Have a great day.

   My brain will dispose of you in a split second, my heart on the other hand will hold on like a hoarder.

   Denver is going to be the mile "really" high city...

   You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.

   Some things get in the way of my happiness so I ignore them.

   My love comes with more terms and conditions than iTunes.

   I need a hug. From your thighs.

   I thought she was trying to tell me that masturbation was wrong. What she was really saying was she didn't want me doing it in her kitchen.

   Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about.