Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sorry Romney lost, imagine all those moron joke we coulf have done..... sorry mormon.

   That moment when you're going to stalk someone and you end up stalking 5 more people because you need to understand the whole conversation.

   I dont believe in love, but I believe in sex.

   The Democrats and Republicans are like Coke and Pepsi, each has a slightly different taste but both very bad for you. As for me, I like a lot of Jäger and a splash of Red Bull. I'm thinking Jägerbomb party. Who's in?

   Quick! Sign here ______, here ______ and on this side ______, done! I'll explain on our honeymoon.

   Who gets the binders full of women?

   Let's leave Trump in the rear view mirror and get to work putting our country back in order.

   I fell in love today. So what have you guys done to ruin your day?

   I tried killing a loose bat in the garage with an empty paper towel tube. After a few weak whacks,,, we both laughed & shared a fruit roll-up

   Donald, you don't want to be "that guy" at 83 years old still searching for Obama's birth certificate

   Um, no, Donald Trump, the world is laughing at YOU (and your raccoon-top).

   No worries, the Romney/Ryan camp is sending out folders of woman and a pair of magic underwear to all of the disgruntled supporters.

   the Dems prove once again that it takes a lot longer than 18 months to buy votes. You've got the power, use it wisely...

   Romney's now unemployed, like most Dems. Well, except that he's rich...

   And the winner for the best reader of a teleprompter award goes to...

   what's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? the taste.

   my illegal housekeeper and I cancelled each others votes yesterday. Not sure what she said this morning but we high fived and laughed...

   Way to go Colorado... haha I can see it now. Pot Stamps for those who can't afford to buy their own pot.

   Nice to wake up and know that Big Bird has been saved!!

   Just look at China over there in the corner just smiling away !