Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everyone don't forget to get out and vote. Tell all of your friends too. Republicans on Tuesday and Democrats on Wednesday.

   69% of people on FB are childish and immature

   If I ever get tagged in a Yoga photo, please send the police, I have been kidnapped by some Zen extremists.........!!!!!

   Dems hate rich people except those who can sing, act or play a sport...

   what have we learned from Katrina and Sandy? If you're b lack and live near the coast, you're f ucked...

   Please don't curse and use bad words when you comment on my posts. My mother f*cking family is on Facebook. Thank you.

   I'll bet it would be excruciating to listen to Foghorn Leghorn sing a cover version of Jackson/McCartney's "Say Say Say."

   When I win the lottery I am going to buy all the raisin cookies in the world and throw them in the trash.

   A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least a thousand dollars.

   I've a bottle of Champagne chilling for election night. If Romney wins I'll drink a glass. If Obama wins I'll drink the whole thing then start on whiskey....

   My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.

   I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.

   The male version of "Fifty Shades of Grey" arrives this Tuesday at Midnight. They are calling it "Halo 4" !!! Countless crowds are standing in line anywhere games are sold.

   Women... the more attention they get, the more options they seek.

   I'd like to know what Obama or Romney propose to do about bathroom mirror profile pictures.

   Who is ready to celebrate "No More Campaing" Adds on Wednesday? Ive got the beer!

   Help!!!!! I just took a bunch of these blue pills because some asian dude told me today was E-R-E-C-T-I-O-N day.

   Vick's career has always been dogged by bad decisions ..

   In 2013 I'm going to sit back, watch the movie 2012 and laugh..

   I'm predicting Obama will take an early lead tomorrow. Until all the Republicans get off work.