Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This year for Halloween, New Jersey is dressing up like New Orleans.

   I say the candidates do us all a favor and stop the annoying commercial/adds on TV and donate that money to help those affected by Sandy.

   A kid came to my door dressed as Tony Romo. I asked him why he had no candy in his bag. He said he used to but he turned it over.

   with friends like these..who needs enemas?

   Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume...

   Halloween is the only day out of the year you can have a white van full of little kids and not have your motives questioned.

   A shout out to all of the beautiful women who don't need to dress trashy to attract a man..... But party at my place for all those who do

   I turned my lights off early. These little beggars aren't getting all my candy.

   Don't know what I did but kids have been coming to my house and giving me bags full of candy all night!!!

   Why name hurricane gay names, like Sandy? How about Hurricane Death Megatron 300 And I guarantee people will be evacuating like they need to.

   How is everyone holding up? It's been a crazy night! I have just beheaded 30 zombies. But why the hell are they all carrying candy?!?

   Its weird how Wall street was up and running like nothing happened, ....Oh my bad, I forgot....TeamRich&Wealthy with 2 or 3 homes flew or boated in to work.

   I know it Halloween and stuff, but A white bronco just pulled up and threw out 2 bodies and then sped off really fast.....(Ö_Ö) on the lawn

   Tip #12 for Halloween: Dont go dress-up as a toilet and walk in a bar when it just happened to be nickle beer night.

   what if "Gangnam Style" is just giant rain dance and brought hurricane Sandy upon America?

   Crazy how music speaks when words can't...

   So windy in New York, the Statue of Liberty has been caught doing Marilyn Monroe impressions.

   I always thought someone coughing all day got right on my nerves. It appears I was wrong, it's actually someone sniffing

   I just yawned so loud now I'm pretty sure a whale somewhere is trying to answer.

   Men, if you're looking to spoil your lady this christmas, make sure there's WIFI in the kitchen, chicks love WIFI in the kitchen.