Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I love you like white folks love their pet dogs.

   Girl Logic: I'd like him a lot more if he ignored and liked me a little less.

   Life's a garden. Bury your enemies in it.

   Forget about sexy, I am bringing good manners back!

   You had me at "tubes tied"

   Redneck sext: when mom and dad leave You're all mines.

   Boobs are the best hand warmers.

   I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.

   We need change from change and we need it fast.

   My favorite mythical creature is the happy b itches in tampon commercials.

   I just dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!

   oh your looking for a 'cuddle buddy'. Maybe if you took down your Duck Face, YOLO T-shirt wearing pics you'd have a better chance at finding one. No guy wants to cuddle with a Mallard that says YOLO.

   I'm voting for the first candidate that walks up to the podium in the next debate and does the "Vitameatavegamin" skit! HA!

   If you are an option, you are also an idiot

   who wants leftover bacon....said no one ever

   In celebration of turning a year older, I'll be wearing my birthday suit all day.....so just make sure that's my HAND you're shaking at church tomorrow!

   Hmmmm.. Do you ever wonder if Nicki Minaj butt dials more than most people?..

   The week has seven days: Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Friday, Saturday and preMonday.

   It's amazing how everyone is suddenly a political genius one month every 4 years.

   You haven't experienced awkwardness and felt like a complete idiot until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.