Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Picking up a tiny piece of paper off the carpet would probably only take me one second... But for some reason I'd rather vacuum over it 100 times, at different angles...

   My new girlfriend is a cagefighter. They all are, for the first day or two.

   Fun activity of the day, making DJ scraching sounds with my hoodie zipper!

   Does anyone know the recipe for 'I DON'T KNOW' because everybody in the house keeps telling me that when I ask them what they all want for dinner.....

   Ironically it's the things people don't say that tell you everything you need to know.

   These debates are cool, but I think Romney and Obama should just skip the last debate and do an episode of "Wife Swap" instead...

   Who's Kony's favorite rapper? Soulja Boy. Buh duh tsss.

   Me and BIG BIRD, going down to Sesame Street to see if we can buy the moderate a lie detector.

   The cat puking in the middle of my bed was NOT the type of wet spot I was hoping for.

   All I wanted to watch on TV tonight was, "the biggest loser." Looks like he's on network!!

   Obama & Romney focusing on the middle class & refusing to discuss the poor is like Kobe focusing on taking shots & refusing to pass.

   If you can't figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking.

   Does everyone asking questions during the debate have a deviated septum??

   Guys will go to another barber and feel guilty... but cheat on their girl and go home like nothin happened

   We met for a reason, either you're a blessing or a lesson.

   Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate...

   Ask Romney to name the ramen flavors since he knows the struggle.

   Heyy I changed my car horn to gun shot sound...People move out the way much faster now ;-))

   You know how America votes off contestants on Dancing With The Stars....That would be such a great idea on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

   A world where your intellect is measured by 'Followers' and 'Likes'.