Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Are you there God? It's me, chocolate... They keep putting me on raisins..... I KNOW,,,It's weird huh?

   It is unfair that girls mature faster than boys. Girls get their boobs at 13,, and men get their boobs when they're in their 40's

   My favorite extreme sport is riding the passenger seat while my wife drives

   If my "check engine" light would just "check my wallet"....It would know there's nothing I can do about it.

   Vanilla Ice wasn't as terrible as he's been made out to be... He's just had a bad rap.

   My left buttcheek fell asleep. I'm Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.

   I think I hear an aftermarket muffler... I guess that means my pizza is here.

   I hate it when I the most important part of a post

   I'm wearing my heart in my chest again. The sleeve idea was dangerous and stupid

   Life is too short to be a basketball player

   Trying to find a wacky way to kill you so that maybe the jury will laugh and let me off

   How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It's been an hour,,,,

   Roses are grey,,, Violets are grey,,, Friggin'-Woof. I HATE being a dog..

   It's not good music unless your parents AND your kids hate it

   I think we should replace the Marriage vow "`Til death do we part" with "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

   Ask your wife if she's done talking,,,, and you've just GUARANTEED she's not..... Ask me how I know,,,,

   If you use the phrase tig ol' bitties with any seriousness, I'm certain that your ancestors weren't happy with how the Civil War turned out.

   How come Yoko Ono didn't marry someone from Nickleback instead?

   Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.

   Next time someone gives you a business card, stick it in your mouth and eat it without breaking off eye contact