Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A broken spirit doesn't stay broken forever. When it's whole again, God have mercy on my tormenters, because I won't.

   Quick! Marry me, I'll explain later.

   Music doesn't deserve our bad memories.

   Having a p enis doesn't make you a man. Getting mad at some Ikea wood pieces after not reading the instructions makes you a real man.

   I don't trust Penguins. I know you can fly!

   I would probably leave my wife at this gas station if I knew how to make sandwiches.

   Yuck. There's nothing more disgusting than cigarette butts in the urinal.. What's worse is that their so d@$% hard to light!

   Love is not only for lovers, it is also felt by friends who understand each other more than lovers.

   The slower the kiss, the easier for love to slip through.

   "Sometimes you have to be really high, to see how small you really are, I'm going home now." - Felix Baumgartner

   Screw you guys who say you like crazy but when you meet true crazy you back off.

   Heard a rap song that didn't mention money, cars or hoes...Now i'm frantically trying to remember whether I took the blue or green pill!

   all my mistakes have had names.

   You would think dressing spiders up as clowns would make them less scary, but it doesn't, it's way worse, I was so wrong on this one.

   I told my girlfriend that I would accompany her on her shopping trip to the mall. I have packed enough food and water to survive for three days.

   Mary must've given some pretty good head for Joseph to buy into all THAT shi t.

   Watching The Walking Dead, everyones finally safe and theres no dang...wait...Wheres Carl?

   Remember: no matter how bad your situation and how hopeless you feel there is always someone doing way better than you

   If you sweat when you eat, does it count as exercise?

   I can tell within 19 seconds of meeting you if our sex is going to be consensual or not..