Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You're right, all guys are the same. It has nothing to do with you exclusively dating douchebags

   Everyone pretends to die in front of their dog, just to see how they would react

   They should change wording on “check engine” light to “this shit's gonna cost ya

   "I'M NOT RACIST, I DON'T LIKE BIDEN EITHER!!!"

   Everyone deserves to be treated equally. It doesnt matter if your gay or black or a woman or normal.

   R.I.P. Amanda Todd ..We will miss you . . <----------------

   You're weird, sarcastic, narcisistic, rude and seem like a witch. My only question is, Are free for a date next weekend?

   I want you to kiss me and just forget for a few moments that you aren't going to need therapy after I'm done with you.

   If you're a guy and you hit girls with anything other than your d ick you deserve to die.

   Hey guys with a sexy accent. I have a v@gina that would like to speak to your tongue.

   I make PMS jokes around women all the time just to know what it feels like to live dangerously.

   What's that word to describe the aching sadness of missing someone you've never met? Oh yeah, INSANITY.

   The fat jokes may be funny, but remember, sometimes the fatties slim up and then the jokes on you.

   Before I fall in love I usually fall over the barstool.

   My biggest fear is being the guy that gets pushed out of the way when a criminal is running from a cop.

   Know what's sexy? Everyone…right after I finish my 5th beer.

   I once dated a woman in her 50s, guys, I can tell you, teeth are sometimes highly overrated.

   Just had a dude wink at me and I felt my clit try to crawl inside my v@gina

   If we're standing there kissing and my hands are in your pants, I'm what you'd call a sure thing.

   Holy shi t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?