Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Seems like it's going to be “die trying” rather than “get rich” kind of life.

   When I die, I want My body to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume

   Unless life also hands you water and sugar, that lemonade is gonna damn suck.

   You're a 90s kid if… you wore the light up shoes! Those were badass.

   Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to

   Strict parents create sneaky children.

   Home is where I can look and feel ugly and enjoy it.

   It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's 2 months from December and no one gives a crap

   I really need to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" Some people are starting to take it as a personal challenge!

   laughing because I just pictured you naked!

   Where have you been my whole life? And could you please go back there?

   not sitting at home praying, he is out somewhere being prayed for!

   Doesn't like being told what to do unless he is naked

   I don't feel like doing anything today...except for you...I'd do you.

   has plenty of girls who can suck, he's looking for the one who can blow his mind

   Your ass must get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth!

   I don't do anything at 7am that doesn't involve Sleeping, Sex, or Bacon.

   If you ever want an OUTSTANDING job/character reference, make sure you list someone that you KNOW hates your ass at your current employer. They'll be so happy to be rid of your ass nothing but good things will come out of their mouth.

   Are you stalking me? Cause that would be awesome!

   Kids these days are spoiled. Ipads, smart phones, video games, etc. But they'll never know the joy of putting an Ozzy Osborne cassette tape in a Teddy Ruxpin