Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   During tonight's debate i'm gonna stand at a podium in my living room and pretend i'm the candidate everyone ignores.

   Truth hurts...but not as much as getting fingered by Edward Scissorhands

   OREOS: First you twist it, then you....oh, it broke : (

   Hey McDonalds, may I have some Coke with my ice?!

   would Anne Frank be famous if she had been a facebook user?

   Love is such a strong word But then again, so is C*NT

   You're so innocent. Let's fix that.

   Global Bacon shortage better be the first debate question tonight, and I WANT ANSWERS! No lies....

   My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

   O Lord, give me the superpowers to change the things I cannot accept with serenity. ....Amen.

   I'm pretty sure the inked up girl working at Starbucks isn't making the full contribution to her 401k...

   I feel like I am watching two middle aged house wives arguing over whose cookie recipe is better.

   This debate reminds me of watching MAD's Spy vs Spy!!

   Hollywood is way out of touch. This new show on every channel is so lame...

   When I'm at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What's your most frequently photographed entree?”

   Adele is pregnant. Can't wait for her next album where she writes 17 angry tracks about diaper changing and crying babies

   Lincoln mentioned? check...Reagan mentioned? Check. CRAP!! if Obama or Romney would of would of mentioned "Tebow" I would of had bingo on my card!

   It doesn't matter what subject Adele will write her tracks about, all her songs sound like she's singing about cheeseburgers

   Unemployment is up to 8.2%. Axelrod just got fired...

   I refuse to watch any presidential debates until they are both hooked up to lie detectors.