Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I walk around with a toothpick in my mouth so crimininals know not to mess with me.

   If the shoe fits, don't just wear it, strut that s hit b itch.

   I swear this dude is the type that stands in front of the mirror every morning and whisper "I'm Beautiful!" How much do you wanna bet he's wearing a pantyliner!

   Chill ladies. "Hi" is neither a booty call nor a marriage proposal. It's just a greeting...

   So many good trailers, so few good movies...

   writing fictional textmessages so I won't look like i'm lonely..

   Life got 4 steps. 1: you belive in santa. 2: you don't belive in santa. 3: you are santa. 4: you look like santa

   Frustration is when you bought a new boomerang and notice that you can not throw away the old one

   Click like if you think it's a pain in the @ss when livejasmin pops up and disturbs in the middle of everything

   does Life feels heavy and the days are not really what you want? The solution is to look at life as a male dog. if it can not be eaten or fu#ked, so piss on it and move on ...

   I don't care how many athelets and hotties you hire Buick, I'm 40 years from owning one...

   I was talking to a nice young women last night, she asked me if I like breast or legs. I told her what I really like is a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not allowed in KFC anymore.

   it would be really hard to read something Yoda wrote if he was also dyslexic

   Cheerleading was invented when some girl got mad because everyone was watching men…

   A gunfight broke out at the BET Awards and yet some people still don't believe in stereotyping…

   BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.

   gun fired at the BET awards...dont they listen to rap music & realize the rappers have guns....try a metal detector at next year's award show

   .... Tonight I went to a gunfight and the BET Awards broke out......

   It's very important that EVERYONE gets a flu shot this year so I don't have to.

   I found Samuel L. Jackson's swear jar and I don't think he's being completely honest with himself.