Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Abracadabra!! Nope. Your still a fucktard.

   Good hair day = New profile picture.

   I hate when I lay in bed at night and my brain thinks about all the embarrassing things that I've been trying to repress into a terminal illness.

   The NFL is the new WWE

   The last time I saw officiating like that was a BW3 commercial.

   I just witnessed a quarterback throw a game winning interception.

   I haven't seen a call like that since Leslie Neilson was the ump in Naked Gun.

   Russell Wilson became the first QB in history to throw a game-winning interception."

   Maybe the Packers should have asked for a discount double check.

   Are you freaking kidding me!!! These replacement refs are a bigger joke than John L. Smith...

   After further review, the runner did not touch second base, therefore the Celtics win! LMFAO! These refs are more of a joke then this status

   I've been wearing my GF's panties and stretching them out. Now she thinks she's losing weight.

   I know you love me baby. I know. Which is why I got this restraining order on your ass.

   Not everyone comes here for attention. Some just need a place to dump their thoughts to prevent them from driving them insane.

   Can facebook just give me one big ass button to press so that nobody is ever able to invite me to any event or group?

   The new Kanye West sex tape will prove whether or not he can keep up with a Kardashian.

   It was only after I started dancing in the food court - alone - that I learned flash mobs are planned...

   ”How about it mate?” Australian women can be so romantic.

   I have a v@gina full of crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.

   Coffee isn't a matter of life or death; it's a lot more important than that.