Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Who the hell still calls in to request a song on the radio?

   I was hoping Apple would replace Siri with Morgan Freeman on the iPhone 5

   I need Google in my brain and Anti-Virus in my heart.

   So let me get this straight. There's a War on Women but no War on Terror? Hey guys, little less focus on the labia little more on Libya.

   I should have ordered only half a horse. No way, I can eat all this..

   9/11 was yesterday? I couldn't forget if I wanted too

   O.J. Simpson is claiming that Khloe Kardashian is his daughter. He makes the claim in his new book called "The Only Thing I'm Ashamed Of."

   I'll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!

   Can someone please call Carly Rae Jepsen so we can be done with this already?!!

   SO HUNGRY.. but not hungry enough to get up and get food.!!!!!!!!!

   I disagree, but I respect your right to be stupid.!

   If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done…!!

   When i'm available no one texts me. But when i'm busy... BAM! ...still no one texts me !!!

   Tonight looks like a good night to do all the nothing I have planned! !!!

   After exercising I always eat a Pizza. Just Kidding, I don't exercise !!

   Now that the iPhone 5 is out, I'm starting to wonder if whether 2 kidneys are really all that necessary..

   All Samsung Officials are withdrawing their children from English medium schools because the first thing they were taught was "A for Apple"

   Bud light? No thanks. I'd rather light bud.

   i used to think meatballs were cow testicals when I was little

   You can love your country without having to love your government.