Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lady referee: What? What happened, why did he run into the other team? Throw it, throw it, throw it…why didn't he throw it??? You wants more dip?

   NASA has some crazy $hit on their bucket list!!

   I hope that lady referee doesn't have a mic...

   Curiosity left earth so long ago it's using a Polaroid...

   There's people who can build machines to explore other planets and then there's people telling you where to eat chicken sandwiches. Just sayin

   Good judgement comes from experience. And all of that comes from bad judgment.

   One must respect the "every-other urinal" law. There are 10 open urinals, why would you want to pee right next to another dude?

   The five second rule also applies to wearing sunglasses indoors.

   I'm pretty sure God created only 6 days, Monday was definitely made by Satan.

   “I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook

   Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans. 

   I hope the Olympics has taught kids and parents that in real life you do not get a trophy just for participating.

   Second chances: When it just didn't hurt enough the first time.

   Scientists Say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons.. They Forgot to mention Morons..

   I just pictured my life.....and there isn't room for you in the frame.

   The world is made up of kids who can't wait to grow up...and adults who wish they hadn't.

   Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!

   There is nothing more awkward then when you take the last open urinal, then everyone else finishes up and leaves except you and the person next to you.

   If you don't want a Sarcastic answer don't ask a Stupid Question!

   The first person that started hiccuping must have been scared to death!