Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Welcome to Chik-Fila, doesn't really matters what you all protest for, as long as you EAT MORE CHICKEN!!

   i just want to know when the chick-on-chick-fil-a sandwich comes out

   Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.

   Tax free weekend: the only two days out of the year that the government isn't fckng us.

   If I was a judge in the Olympic Trampoline events, I'd give the Silver to the chick with the biggest boobs, Gold if she doesn't wear a bra.

   Welcome to Hollister would you like a gas mask, flashlight, or earplugs?

   Just got this porn called "Hot & Horny Housewives 3." Do you think I will understand what's going on if I haven't seen 1 and 2?

   BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them.

   Okay, no wait, here it is, wait... I can't even type this one.... too funny!!!

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. I guess in the end, they just didnt share the same views!

   I went to Cost Cutters to get my sideburns trimmed today. The Hairstylist got all mad and kicked me out when I dropped me pants

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. Talk about getting blindsided!

   Remember when you were younger that old guy at the pool that swam laps and yelled at all the kids to get off the ropes!!!

   You know you're getting old when you can't take a shower without peeing. Twice...

   I honestly could care less about your protests against chick-fil-a, they have the best curly fries I've ever eaten, your argument is invalid.

   China Has Really Impressed Me In The Olympics... They Use The Same Person For Every Event..

   First olympic sailing result just in. GB have taken gold, Australia have taken silver and Somalia have taken the boat

   There is a whole market of fools out there who are willing to buy any product no matter how outrageous and absurd it may be to the average thinking man.

   I bet Stevie Wonder's wife didn't see that divorce coming...

   Thre are two types of people who annoy me here on Facebook; (1) Ugly people who constantly p0st pics captioning about how beautiful they are. (2) Beautiful guilty of the same crime.