Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I heard India is going to outsource Electrical Grids from the US !

   It's not flirting it's being extra nice to someone extra attractive!

   I'm sex..unattractive and I know it!

   I decorated my bedroom to look like a classroom so I can fall asleep faster!

   When you break something at the store and nervously walk away!

   Nothing says ''I'm a fat a$$ like wearing a T-shirt in the pool!

   Listen I'm not an alcoholic, they go to meetings...I'm a drunk we go to parties!

   I hope Adele and Eminem never date, can you imagine what their breakup albums would be like!

   Fire up the bong...Michael Phelps won GOLD!! 19 Medals, 15 of'em GOLD!!

   1 tequila, 2 tequila,s 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teiuqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklasl, 9 travquikas, 10 trewquwtss

   hahahahahahahahaha=very funy hahahahaha=funny haha=not that funny

   Daughter''Dad I am a lesbian!'' Sister ''Me too dad!'' Dad ''Doesn't anyone like guys around here?'' Son ''I do!''

   Silver for Phelps : ( Someone should have taped a blunt to the other end of the pool, then he would have won the gold.

   If my Boobs sag any more people are going to think they are nuts!

   Dude, she has a Boyfriend! So, soccer has a goalie doesn't mean you can't still score!

   $19.99 because $20 is an outrageous amount of money!

   If the Olympics has taught me anything it's that China may have a population of over 1 billion... but they only have two hair styles.

   Dude, I gave you a pen not a chew toy!

   3AM text message ''Hey are you asleep?''....''No I'm scuba diving!''

   16 and a Olympian > 16 and Pregnent