Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The sexual tension between me and this woman is so high that she's using codes like 'can I take your order?'

   I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

   I'd rather be known for nothing than known for something ignorant.

   Tech Support in India? They cnt even fix their own Blackouts :)

   Blackout in India would have been resolved by now but the electricians can't reach tech support.

   The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.

   If I eat a Chick-fil-a sandwich it doesn't mean I hate gays. If I eat a Jimmy Johns sandwich it doesn't mean I support the killing of exotic animals. All it means is I really like sandwiches.

   What a rip-off! I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.

   heard on CNN that the blackout in India has affected nearly 700 million people...Good luck getting through to Comcast customer service today! ツ

   I can't really tell the difference between "water polo" or "marco polo", but I know neither one is very thrilling to watch on television. :/

   Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.... Yeah,, us guys tend to do better when we are properly supervised.

   My anti-social behavior reached a new high today when I was un-invited to a wedding, and it made my day.

   II wish the XXX Olympics gave medals for the ''Clean and Jerk''

   Right now the United States and China are tied in total Olympic medals! Of course we trail in Gold medals because every time we win one we have to turn it over to China to pay our debt!!!

   Before you judge me.......nmake sure you're perfect!

   Went for a job interview! The Boss looked over my resume' and says''For someone with absolutely no experience you sure are asking for a high salary!'' I said ''Well, Du'h...everyone knows the less you know the harder you have to work!!!''

   There's no better feeling than proving someone wrong!

   Penn State.....There's always Academics!

   Sorry I was talking while you were interupting!

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper....The closer it gets to the end the faster it spins!!!