Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Olympics would be 10x more fun to watch if only midgets were allowed to compete.

   Thanks to all you that could join my FLASH MOB in London. WE DID IT!!!

   i hope the next thing they spell is "the end"

   If these walls could talk, I'd move out because having talking walls would a little freaky...

   When are these Olympic nuts gonna get it? Hot chicks, in bikinis, jumping on trampolines. The perfect opening ceremony. It can be applied to half time shows too.

   I get zero respect in this house and I know for a fact that I'm the toughest one in here.

   Wonder what events al-Qaeda will be participating in.

   Gee. Lets ask an openly christian man who owns a chain of restaurants that are closed on Sunday what his beliefs on gay marriage are, then act surprised when we find out his beliefs.... Idiots.

   The chocolate fountain..... Not the first runny brown liquid to be produced by Golden Corral.

   There's no place like home. (to poop)

   I want a person to come into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

   If Paul McCartney's guitar isn't made out of one of Heather Mills' spare legs, I'm gonna be p*ssed.

   Paul McCartney is looking more and more like Angela Lansbury every day.

   Paul Mccartney just won the Gold medal in old.

   Kristen Stew@rt is apologizing for "everything she has done", which I'm assuming includes the Twilight series.

   Don't judge a book by it's cover... Unless that book is Twilight, then you can judge the book and it's reader.

   So this Kristen Stewart cheating stuff... Still a better love story than Twilight.

   "Dude I wasn't that drunk".... "Dude you started watching the Twilight Trilogy"

   Robert Pattinson said Kristen Stewart humiliated him. Then he added it was even more humiliating than being in Twilight.

   I was born at a very early age.