Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you support traditional marriage you are not welcome in Chicago and Boston. "Don't judge me, but if you don't agree with me I will label you a bigot."

   its amusing listening to someone's lie when you already know the truth

   If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

   11 year old found on plane heading to Rome. Seems the Pope was ordering some take out!

   ...“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday”...

   She said the 'F' word. She called us Friends.

   I get my daily starches through vodka.

   Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Mars has 2 moons. Venus has no moons. Do you see where I'm getting at? Men, GIVE BACK OUR MOON!

   Status Upd@tes are like skirts. The shorter the better.

   Sometimes life beats you up and you forget how awesome you are. Thank god for alcohol to help you remember.

   Darn it,,,,, It's almost August and I'm still writing Slovakia on my Czechs!

   Happy birthday to my Dad,,,, who was yelling stuff from the toilet with the door open 36 years before Facebook was created.

   You guys are SO lucky that I "like" posts on a curve

   "Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" – the Working Title of my new Childrens book

   The problem with Chinese New Year is that you're ready for another new year only an hour later.

   Ooo Ooo Ooo Sometimes... I get a good feeling... Like today... Cause it's FRIIIIIDAAAYYYYY!!!!!

   Yes,, Grandchildren ARE our future,,, But they're ALSO the reason why there's a smooshed sandwich in my Pricey Blu-Ray player,,,,, Hmm, our future

   I'm starting to get a wee bit tired of these retro ecards. I prefer reading status's in 3D, real time....

   According to weather.com,,, there appears to be a HUGE ad for car insurance moving in from the west..... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES !!!!

   They show sex on TV, but radio has 'Bleeps'.......Way to go FCC.