Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was so poor growing up, we had to use BOTH sides of the toilet paper.

   Like my daddy always said, "just because it kills your liver, dont mean it aint medicine."

   I may have been born at night, but I wasnt born LAST night...

   Obama qoute 2008 ''Navy seal team Six is Cheneys private assanation team! Obama qoute 2011 ''I put together Navy seal team Six to take out Bin Laden!''

   I don't get married because the person I like has been already taken.

   When you have a baby, does a hormone in your body force you to make your baby your Facebook profile picture?

   Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"

   The only thing I know about Women: They don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.

   Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.

   That weird awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

   There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time'. I am pretty sure it means ‘stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.

   Say Hello to my little friend (҂`_´) < ,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ ~~~ • • • \

   Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need damn smarter friends.

   Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.

   Dont take me for granted, because I will leave your a$$ in at a moments notice!

   laughing at all the lovey dovey posts today from the same people who were so miserable in the exact same relationships that they felt it news worthy enough to post how miserable, unhappy and thoroughly disgusted they were with that exact same person

   Cap'n crunch without crunch berries doesn't make any sense to me

   Never make someone your first option when they make you their second option.

   Just spilled a drop of my 5 hour energy shot. I'm guessing that means 4 hours, 22 minutes, and 7 seconds. Party on!

   just thnk this Generation will never know the joy of getting a hand written letter from a loved one..