Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Where the streets have no name"...That,, my little ones, is probably why they still haven't found what they're looking for.

   Oh man, it's not the weekend yet? I can't wait to stand around in some empty bar watching a crummy band and having weak drinks.

   If a guys says ''I can't feel anything wearing trhis condom!'' Ask him if he can feel you sucking the money out of his paycheck for trhe next 18 years!!!''

   Happy Birthday to the Greatest Invention you don't appreciate enough unless you don't have it! On this day 110yrs ago Dr. Kerry invented the Air Conditioner!!!

   The harder you work, the luckier you get!!!...........Make it happen for yourself!

   Went to the doc's for my prostate check up. Is it normal for both his hands to be on my shoulders during the exam

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   I have one nerve left! And you're dry humping it!....Go Away!!!

   Roses are Red! The Sun is Gold!....Now get on your knee's and do as you're told!!!

   "I'm shocked that several young, rich athletes have been arrested recently! " said, no one ever...

   Reorganized my kitchen and installed new pantry liners. It feels so fresh now!

   Bikinis should have an age limit and a weight limit.

   Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.

   The villian in the new batman movie is named ''Bain''........I know that Obama has something to do with this!!!

   Dear ex, remember those I love you more fights?? I won..

   How I took scantron tests in highshool: " well... I Havnt chose 'C' in a while."

   Life is ironic. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes..

   There are almost 7 billion people in the world, and you are the dumbest one. That is impressive.

   Dear paranoid ppl who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one, what's your plan?

   The Devil gave me my soul back, something about "Tasting like Vodka" Whatever dude