Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Hey douchebag. Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent

   Pets are so easy to love. They are honest and react to kindness without wanting to know what's in your bank. Humans could take a lesson.

   My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.

   Don't litter your chaos and drama all over other people's lives.

   Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.

   Stay in that position I just got a Facebook Notification.

   If Internet Explorer has the balls to ask you to set it as your default browser, don’t tell me that you don’t have the guts to ask her out.

   Fellas; If your fiancé designs her own engagement ring, prepare for a life of sex on your birthday and holidays only.

   Hell hath no fury like a Facebook friend deleted and blocked.

   We used to watch the news to find out the truth. If you're looking for the truth now, the last thing you'd want to watch is the news.

   Yes girl you can cook, give great head, have a great sense of fashion, are kind, beautiful, sexy, and have a great smile but can you twerk?

   What if they made a Kindle that doesn't run out of battery? Like, a book.

   "Let me put you in a better mood" - vodka

   If you like her, tell her. Don't friendzone yourself. Have some balls. Be a man.

   twerking just shaking your ass? Why did we need a new word? Ass-shaking has served us well for centuries.

   Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.

   Not to brag or anything, but my bank balance is over $100k (the k is silent).

   “Go out there and get your ass kicked by Steven Seagul” - Script for everyone else in a Steven Seagal movie.

   Women just don't get it, That men just don't get it.

   How to spot single girls: If you hit on her and a man beats you, she has a boyfriend. If you hit her and she pepper sprays you, she's single.