Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish by using my voice to just sing in the car instead of to save the music industry..

   The first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is sure, just talk about Passive Aggressive Club all you want... No, It's fine. Go ahead.. I don't mind.. WHATEVER..

   My refrigerator beeps for a problem, but it has trouble being more specific... "What's that, little guy? Timmy's fallen down the well?"

   OK..... Not making an Olympic Soccer joke today was one of my Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooals

   Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.... Yeah,, us guys tend to do better when we are properly supervised.

   I FINALLY got a new i-phone,, and for those wondering how long it would take to get chocolate smudged in it?? Shut-up.

   I am going to make millions when I finally finish developing this iPhone app that tells you when the traffic light turns green.

   Hey people making fun of Canada : I think Bryan Adams & Nickleback were just warning shots,,,,,, Let's try not to REALLY anger them..

   Ancestry.com: The southern version of eHarmony.

   BREAKING NEWS: Governor Orders Statewide Car Wash To Induce Rain.

   If you quit school, just remember these two things... 1: You tried your best, and 2: I don't like pickles on my Big Mac.

   REALLY??.. You're on food stamps and using your IPhone 4 to complain about it on Facebook???.... This is why I sometimes feel like I should give up,,,,, why bother trying??

   The U.S. men's soccer team failed to qualify for the Olympics this week,,,,, upsetting nearly 10 Americans.

   My wife said I have to stop watching Chopped after I packed our son's lunchbox with wild ostrich, candy corn, avocado & rainbow chard.

   The side effects of the new medicine I'm on include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea,,, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.

   “I can't believe it's not butter!” - me watching Paula Deen use something other than butter as her first ingredient..

   If you get a recipe from a cannibal make sure it differentiates between ground chuck & ground Chuck.

   Here`s a bit of advice : advi

   AWE YEAH,,, I just washed my dog with Axe body wash... He's gonna to get ALL DA B!TCHES

   My therapist told me I should take life more seriously. I told him HE should, shmake shmife shmore shmeriously.