Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

   My day starts backwards... I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

   I think Facebook should have a status limit per day. This is not Twitter, shut the f*ck up, nobody cares.

   Well, if tonight's election proves anything....its that the unions were a lot more effective when the mob ran them.

   I may not be in the NBA with Lebron, but we have the same amount of Championship rings ;)

   I was going to complain about my headache then I remembered JFK

   So Heat lost....In other News: Bosh was wondering why he only played 14minutes in a final's game? He may look like a raptor, but he didnt eat nobody yet......

   Fantasy sentence for pedophiles, rapists & animal abusers: Reduce the size of the license plate production zone and build a non-sterile room for use exclusively to test beauty products and corrosive industrial cleaning products on said wastes of skin.

   I hate it when I read something on her3 thats so funny that I burst out laughing it makes my neighbors realize that I'm hiding under their bed.

   You know things must've gotten serious when you see a gold hoop earring laying in the Walmart parking lot.

   1. Say "Dale!" 2. Mumble 3 Spanish words 3. List 4 cities. You just made a Pitbull song.

   It's weird how all the floor around my father is made of eggshells.

   The road to Hell is paved with everything that feels like Heaven.

   Dance like no one is watching or just stop dancing in public you weirdo.

   WHENEVER YOU GET BORED , SEND THIS TEXT TO A RANDOM NUMBER....." I KILLED HIM , NOW WHAT ? "

   I hate when I'm at someone's house & they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" "How did you get in?" And "Is that a gun?

   do not interfere when 2 gay guys argue. You never know when it may come to blows...

   I dreamed last night I was with Jesus and we were riding dinosaurs. Awkward...

   USA Today should just change their name to USA Day Before Yesterday...

   I wonder if Pitbull reallizes that he is the NEXT Li'L John ?