Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Great.! finally a online dating site that meets my needs imtobusy.com

   If you really cared you wouldn't ignore my text, neglect my feelings and forget my existence.

   PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning - any person and/or institution and/or Agent .... oh hell... If I really gave a sh#t, I/you would not even be on Facebook.

   Remember guys, while your checking some other girl out, someone else is checking out your girl. Appreciate what you have, or someone else will.

   Kanye West should be coming out with ''Gold Digger'' part 2 anytime now...

   I'm sick and tired of Pinterest invading Facebook! you need to stay on your side of the fence, we didn't invite you in  our  yard!  Don't make me turn this into the Hatfield & McCoys!

   Remember: One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

   T's Lounge in West Palm Beach, Florida welcomes Octomom, Nadya Suleman July 11th thru 15th for her topless strip show. - from "Us Weekly". Write your own jokes, I'm just warning those of you in Florida about this.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have big titties and a BIG booty! #Distractions

   Ladies marry the guy who comes to drop you all the way to your house in his PETROL car with the AC on

   :If you need to check our astrology signs to see if we are compatible... we are not.

   Reviews are in for Windows 8, looks like it's going to be the best Facebook access device yet.

   To save time on playing board games in my family, dad would take the game out of the box and go directly to the throwing it at the wall part

   it offensive to bring your own chair to someone's apartment?

   The box for my new digital camera says the shutter speed is so fast you can photograph a hummingbird's wings, or a woman with her mouth shut.

   I just spent an hour chasing a rabbit trying to take a picture of it. What has instagram done to me?.

   "Please die please die" - when I see someone I know walking towards me to say Hi

   I wrote a book called "How to pick up girls." Page 1 says "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of dudes

   Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.

   The experts says "don't stare directly into the sun during the Venus transit". Do we really need to be told that? Also, during the Venus transit, don't forget to breathe.