Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   now that Zuckerberg is married, if he divorces does she get the "face" half or the "book" half

   Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!!"

   usually if ur driving behind a person who has a TAPOUT sticker on the of back of their car window... chances are they are a huge pu$$y !

   In your bed: it's 6:00, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school: it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31.

   Who else backspaces their whole password, even if only one letter is wrong?

   Kids are ridiculous these days, when we were young, we took spelling tests, not pregnancy tests.

   Mark Zuckerberg got married today. His new wife set her relationship status to "CHA-CHING!!"

   Any dude who waits for Valentines Day to treat his woman like a Queen is failing 364 days a year.

   There's no need to rush. If something's meant to be, it'll happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.

   People only bring up your past when they are intimidated by your present!

   Well I tried watching the eclipse but the damn moon was in the way!

   Guess whose filing for a divorce....Tom's wife from Myspace!

   By marrying his girlfriend, Mark Zuckerburg finally updated his status to "Married" while his girlfriend changed her status to "Billionaire"!

   Sometimes I like to re---post my statuses that didn't get any "Likes"... because they deserve a second chance too.

   A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it as long as you want, but its not going anywhere..

   I have Monday phobia ima shut my eyes and when I open them please be Thursday :-)

   you know you're getting too fat whe you outgrow your towel

   If you don't read my status, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't read my status?

   BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them

   Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet