Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Darn it,,,,, It's almost August and I'm still writing Slovakia on my Czechs!

   Happy birthday to my Dad,,,, who was yelling stuff from the toilet with the door open 36 years before Facebook was created.

   You guys are SO lucky that I "like" posts on a curve

   "Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" – the Working Title of my new Childrens book

   The problem with Chinese New Year is that you're ready for another new year only an hour later.

   Yes,, Grandchildren ARE our future,,, But they're ALSO the reason why there's a smooshed sandwich in my Pricey Blu-Ray player,,,,, Hmm, our future

   According to weather.com,,, there appears to be a HUGE ad for car insurance moving in from the west..... RUN FOR YOUR LIVES !!!!

   Hmmm,,, So all the instruments used to find "intelligent life" pointed "AWAY" from earth???,,,,, Yeah,, that makes sense...

   The chocolate fountain..... Not the first runny brown liquid to be produced by Golden Corral.

   I'm not so good about doing the dishes. I just contemplated spreading peanut butter on bread - using scissors

   Yes, the carpet does match the drapes but all the furniture is from Goodwill.

   I can't wait for 12G phones,,, They'll be able to post my posts before I'm finished typing them,, And they'll probably be funnier too.

   Some of my favorite posts don't always get a lot of stars.. That's O.K. They know I love them,, and they love me back... That's all we need.

   XBox Kinect Sports is so life-like... I just got picked last!

   Just walked a mile in my own shoes............ not as good as I thought I'd be

   If my posts DON'T much make sense,,, Well that's because I'm an idiot.... And If my posts DO make any sense,,, Well that's because you're an idiot...

   Hey,,,If you watch that last episode of Cops backwards, they uncuff my Dad, let him drive off recklessly, chase him, then give up..

   Remember,,, Great sex is one involuntary fart away from being funny sex

   I know "C.G.I." is getting more and more realistic,,,,, but I can almost always tell if a movie has real dinosaurs or not.

   If I had a dog,, I'd say "I have a bone to pick with you!" And then we'd go to PetSmart to pick a bone,, And we'd laugh & laugh & laugh,,,,,