Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   I don't care what anybody else says. "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" is the greatest diss track ever written.

   It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.

   A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂

   [first day as a 911 operator] me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency

   I have decided to host the Oscars

   "did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"

   I need a vacation that I may or may not ever come back from.

   Scientists need to put cancer aside and find a cure for country music first.

   What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?

   My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING????

   So what are we being offended by today? Sorry I missed the morning briefing.

   Don't tell me what type of pill it is. I like to be surprised.

   In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas

   True love means never having to pick just one hole.

   I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.

   Show dominance on an airplane by calling the flight attendants bartenders.

   My New Years resolution is to be more active. Sexually.

   The worst part about watching movies at the cinemas is not knowing how much time you have left until the end of the movie.

   If there are no snacks, don’t even bother inviting me to your orgy.

   An orgy but it’s just me eating 5 different bags of chips at once.