Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Lebron: I'm proposing to my girl. Kobe: with what?

   Every Saturday morning I wake up in fear... the fear of looking through my phone.

   It so crazy to see how many people are shocked by honesty, and how few by deceit.

   It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it....That's Hollywood

   Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die.....and who said statistics don't have a beginning, middle, and end.

   Be an OPTIMIST Prime and not a NEGAtron.

   ♫♪Yankee Doodle went to town...♫♪ Is Macaroni the feather, thehat, or the pony?

   my wife just fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open... hmmm, tempting!

   Little known fact: George Zimmerman is as white as Barack Hussein Obama

   education shouldn't be a debt sentence.

   Just woke up from a nap with the WORST taste in my mouth

   My nagging cough just told me I should be helping out more around the house.

   A new study says people who sit a lot die sooner. Basically, if you're a tennis umpire with a roommate who paints portraits, you're screwed.

   Most priceless thing in my life??? My insanity...it makes everything ok :-)

   Teacher told us how Tom Sawyer was a free-spirited tale of misbehaving rascals; then screamed at us to sit still & listen.

   Why are doctors so afraid of apples anyway?

   I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings

   So let me get this straight, a 747 can carry a space shuttle on its "back", and yet airlines charge for overweight baggage?

   Dude is that Matchbox 20? Turn that up. Said no one ever.

   Cops dislike txtn and driving ...Really? This bj and beer should be fine.